Heromplane,Shrek and Things....

You know that very awkward moment in life when you are like yessss "it has BE for me today"aka temi ti bami..alias e don happen?,The moment you start thinking what’s the worst that can happen? that's how to describe the night of January 7th 2011..it was my birthday eve and sum few friends of mine decided we go clubbing since its d first Friday of the year..at first i felt reluctant cus 1,its my birthday 2mrw and 2,my new year resolutions this year was to stop chewing my nails and quit energy drinks for good (and maybe to get a girlfriend sha) so i had no motivation to club,then i remembered my friends were paying so wada hell..lez go there.Getting to our location on Ajose Adeogun,the place was full of fun seekers (1st turn off),after staying on the queue for about 30min(2nd turn off),we approached this hefty looking bouncer(3rd turn off),after passing 2 of my friends in,he shoved me by the arm and said 'guy,how old you be? u no fit enter this club abeg...it took me roughly 18 brave seconds to summon courage and give a reply to the monstrous Shrek looking creature and all i could murmur was "u say wetin"..dont blame me,if u sef see dis guy u go sempe....he looked me in the eye and said,please leave the queue and come back when you are older....who the hell are you binsh? do you know my age?do you know who i am? uhn! uhn!! uhn!!!**that was my mind,not me o** i was getting embarrassed and wished this stupid ogre will just stop shebe and let me enjoy my birthday eve jejely,i couldn't even tip d guy cus i remembered all i had in my wallet was 3k and 8 expired atm cards..he claimed i looked under aged and therefore would not allow me in.in my mind i was like,if only dis guy could remove d chew gum from his face and look at me dada..how can sum1 call a whole elder like me under age? the Mushin traits in me was tempted to react angrily,but thanks for the little tushness i had left dat reminded me i wouldn't love to spend my birthday on a hospital bed because a slap from this guy would definitely gain me an automatic admission in LUTH...so i just walked away peacefully before he slaps the soul out of me.But forget my janajala stature oo,Major General Mohammed Buhari was head of state when i was born and if u don't believe me AXE ur mummy..awon eleyi wan old gan :p

I wonder if Arsene wenger is shagging Bendtner's Mom ..what if i kiss my second cousin,is that incest too? what if the Nigerian union of boli sellers decides to go 'on strike? and God forbid o but what if I wake up one day only to find out the world is left with flat chested females only*snaps fingers backward repeatedly mumbling the words 'i reject it" continuously*) you see the crazy things i think up all in the name of boredom?trust me guys,boredom doesn't kill,cus if it does,it should be my remembrance already..house don tire me,and the bad news is service doesn't commence until June. February March April May June? 5 good months,hin sure die,i go don give person bele before June .i needed a change of environment badly cus iv been thinking too many crazy random stuffs lately and needed a break from the whole issh..my mother once asked why i looked worried,and i explained to her that i think my head was gonna blow soon,trust my ever caring mother,she said i should move far away from her so i don't stain her white lace with blood when my head blows..i think i need a DNA test asap.

Remember my last post about Heromplane ba?(notice my Abuja accent ?) MY TRIP TO Abuja offered me the chance to enter HEROMPLANE for the first time in my life and to be sincere,it was an orgasmic experience.....yes.....i came! when the chance to visit Abuja came knocking,i didn't even give it a second thought,i booked AERO sharply,ignoring all the rumors i heard about the airline pushing their plane to start or jump starting it before take off,wetin consign me after all na hin cheap pass? Getting to the airport,i tried comporting myself so people wont notice im a 1st time traveler,then i thought warreva men,nobody came to this world via a plane jare,there is always a first time and im gonna enjoy mine..my seat was the window side and i sat comfortably behaving like one "tokunbo" i was smiling through out and the lady beside me couldn’t comprehend why the lunatic beside her(me) kept smiling for no reason. im sure she thought i was going to bite her sooner or later. immediately the plane took off, right inside me i thought i was gonna vomit but i just didn't know where to so i was looking for the right spot to mess my self and the foolish me choose the window side when I booked my ticket just in case I was gona throw up....i know im a bush boy,,*shrugs*

All of a sudden,i was getting Horngry ( dont bother checking the dictionary for horngry) and some crazy thoughts started ringing in my head... if this plane should crash right now?how much will they pay my mother as compensation? what if a terrorist abducts me and demands a million Naira?,where i go see money for ransom,me that it took me almost a year to buy Blackberry,the only way i will get 1million Naira now is by winning the Glo millionaire promo,those terrorist will so beat me ehn...was lost in thoughts when i heard a voice ask what will you like to buy sir? For one reason or the other i just kept smiling back at the hostess without reply,the lady beside me was getting uncomfortable with my willy willy traits,whether its her attractive mammary glands or me being starstruck talking to a hair hostess,all i did in reply was to shine my 32 like a roasted goat head...i looked down the window and the sights of rocky mountains scared da shit outa me..if this plane should crash right now,where will they find my big head ? will my blackberry survive?...i was getting so scared of my own thoughts and wished this damn thing will just land already.... this must be the longest one hour of my life cus getting to Abuja was so much a relief for my bladder which was going to burst any time soon for holding too much pee...oops! i have to stop right now cus my flight to Lagos is about boarding,thanks to AERO for delaying my flight for 3 hours... wish me a safe flight back to GIDI..

#Gbagaun with the fear of God @ heart