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Saturday, March 21, 2015

Random thoughts

This piece is purely a fictional satire inspired by Saturday afternoon boredom and hunger,  don't take it too seriousI have created different fictional characters and  summarized them in short stories, I've tried not to use real names hence the code names. Hope you find this interesting .

                                                           THE JACKAL

Palms are sweaty , heart is pounding , not even the chilly AC could prevent my forehead from dripping with hot sweat . This woman won't kill me , obirin yi o ni pa mi . It's been three days now , still no show .My body is so full right now, if I sneeze at full strength , sperm might fly off from my nose . Yes it's that bad! My wife turned from mother Theresa to Jezebel so quick right under my nose and I never even experred it Sighhhhhhhh... Bar Man! Bar Man!! Ki lon fucking shele now? Give me one more bottle for the road Abeg.

                                                  THE SEA GUL

...You see, I come from a very small prayerful  family so you can understand where I stand regarding issues like this. I'll advise you pray to your God about it ore mi. Oluwa ko Seun Ti , ma worry Sho Gbo , God will make things easy . Bawo de Ni business ? We are pushing it ojare, business is just there she replied in a rather tensed tone. The fuel scarcity is biting hard , I pray things get better o, I'm just praying there is no traffic on my way home today because there is fellowship by 7pm.  Oya lets pray and eat before this rice gets cold ...

                                                          THE FOX

See I hate multitasking but I can't afford not to.infact I've become a pro at multitasking it's now one of my best features  . Right now I'm caught between this episode of Naruto, treating these huge pile of atm dispense error forms which I'm definitely not looking forward to, fantasizing about the road side Boli and fish  getting delivered to me and of cause dreading the evil traffic on my way home . Was telling my girl over the phone how much this state needs a commissioner for Traffic affairs but she laughed it off as if I was joking girl ❤️....she can laugh for Africa , just thinking about her laugh just made me smile , and yes you can add that to the list of things I'm multitasking about ,na U sabi

                                                        THE SWORD FISH

Monday morning traffic makes you think about the darndest things . This morning's evil episode had me thinking about lists.. Lists of things I hate and those I love . A quick summary will be
I hate Mondays
I hate my job
I hate my boss
I hate Apapa
I hate driving manual cars imagine all I've mentioned all rolled up in one? That's what my day is looking like right now . I love life tho,I mean, who wouldn't?
I love my family
I love my hubby

                                            THE GRASSHOPPER

Sharp as ever were the events of the day before , ever fresh in my mind like it just happened . I had gone to my fiancée's house for Sallah as her family are Muslims , heading back home after devouring countless numbers of fried meat ,I turned on the radio for some traffic news so as to avoid Unnecessary holdup when I heard a familiar voice over the radio.
I didn't know what to make of it , was trying so hard to picture a face to the voice when my phone rang , trying to see who was calling, then it suddenly dawned on me that my phone didn't actually ring. The sound came from the radio !

                                                    THE CAT

As crazy as it sounds,i'm really curious to find out how this thing works. You see, i read alot and thats one of perks of being inquisitive,i tend to learn ,i live, i acquire. Sometimes you get lost trying to find your way ,but asking never killed nobody. That being said,i'm still dying to find out how it works, is it fun? is it tasking? would i regret it?...i'm gradually getting lost now asking these questions,let me focus on this gym thing as this coke bottle body  won't get it self.

                                                         THE CAMEL

*whistling and humming gently* yada yidi yaaaaa, Gosh  i miss London ! Lagos can be so annoying it sucks.No job,no fuel and Its a miracle i survived yesterday’s heat cus weve been out of power for God knows when. Only good thing about this place are the sexy single moms that are ready to mingle with the prince :d, But last last sha These APC guys na pipe,i no kuku dey vote next week,na dem sabi jare. *phone alarm goes off at 17:59* Ope o,time for booze don Nack *whistles till fade……..

                                                           THE SCORPION

My Grandma is a funny one you know , telling me not  to stop breastfeeding my baby till he is 3. who get that kind time? Wonder how she expects me to cope,with all my deliveries and custom wahala i'm facing,ill still be there to cook for hubby,maybe she thinks i'm a machine. That reminds me ,osharo monday o,these debtors better pay up on time before i unleash my Lagos island boys on them. no single credit alert since morning egbami!

                                               THE SNAKE

A shadow crossed my face as i quickly dashed into the room,i knew she was going to come back,she never listens! I decided to lay still,switched my phone to silent and just pray to God she leaves and never comes back. i got a message from her saying she was at my door with that thing i wanted. My heart has never raced as much as it has the past 10 minutes,it felt like someone was playing temple run in my chest.i ignored the message hoping she would think i was asleep or out or fainted or dead or anything at all ,but the devil had other plans.First,she sent a nude picture of herself attempting to swallow a cucumber ,i gasped for breath and swallowed spit while quietly reciting psalm 23 with special reference to the "lead us not into temptation". I was panting without running , is this devil at work? She kept calling my phone but I formed unlooking like GEJ ignored the chibok girls ,I thought I had won the war not knowing the battle just up her book of tricks was a message saying  "I want to sit on your face while you do nasty things to me" this shook my faith , spirit and soul, I decided to finally return her call so I can blast her off and warn her to please stay away from me until I heard her caller ringtone go "wa fe ku laleyi" ma te sojue laleyi" I took a deep breath and murmured to myself , Dear God,please I beg for forgiveness because  if this is a test, then I have failed .

                                                        THE WOLF

I have a passion for cooking and trying out new recipes every time so it didn't come as a surprise that this one wants to die because of my cooking . Well except maybe I got him wrong when he passed me a compliment saying he couldn't get enough of my food.i wonder what foo...err nvm. He is not my type anyway,I mean , has he seen Idris Elba? He should pack well abeg .

                                               THE LIZARD

That's not possible Mr man , I'm responsible for this place and I can't let you do anything without authorized permission .i believe as an adult you should know better than the attitude you just portrayed because your behavior here contradicts and condescends the position in which you have been appointed to serve . I am a very busy man with far more important things to do this morning and I can't let you waste my precious time , I'll give you the grace of reflecting on your absurd behavior before I go ahead and delete you

                      THE OWL
Where is Jaye ?
Jaye is looking for my trouble o
Why didn't Jaye reply me after I had abused him?
This Jaye doesn't  hear word abi.
Wasn't he supposed to come to Ikoyi today? This is what my imaginary Idris wouldn't do o
Jaye! Jaye!! I know you are not here o but can't you hear that I'm calling you? hmmmmm

                                                  THE JAGUAR

I'm looking forward to this Road trip to Calabar. Never knew driving round the country can be so much fun . Problem now is i'm torn between which car to carry, the Honda has a bad deck and the Toyota is out of gas but all I know is I'm going to Calabar to see my love ... Ohh la laaaaa.
Not even this crazy bill from PHCN can dampen my mood , Bastards!

                                                                THE FLY

It was a sunny day in Hawaii , the beach looked so calm and cool you would be tempted to take a skinny dip. Then the unthinkable happened , at first I thought my eyes were playing pranks on me, but then I took a closer look and saw my homie's girl right there with another dude locking hands and shi...To say I was amazed would be an understatement  .i walked back to my hotel room with random thoughts on my big fat head , I opened the fridge to grab a bottle and kept wondering the evil I just witnessed . My homie loved this girl so much he got a tattoo of her name on his chest , now this! Why are women so mean and wicked ? What do I do guys ? Should I tell my guy or remain neutral?

                                                              THE GOAT

Mbok can this exam end in time so I can go home? I can't bring my self to start cracking my brain on this one because that ship has sailed tey tey.

                                                        THE SHARK

The reviews about this herbal tea got me really excited. I was working on my lower body region when my gym partner recommended it, heard so much about it I had to get it immediately I knew it was available . Talking about my lower body, I was out jogging yesterday and these guys won't stop whistling and gasping.. I wonder what they were whistling about :S. Until I punch one of them on the face before they stop this silly act . Shior

                                            THE BEAR

*types on IG* beads by @NouvaCouture dress by @Ejiro Emos Tafiri.. Sighhhhhhh... This Apapa traffic is going to make me miss my friend's bridal shower . This is the kind of traffic that makes you want to abandon your car and just walk to your destination. I'm sure this one was sent from the pits of hell Sighhhhhhhh, it's the kind that makes you question your stand on euthanasia .I'm so Gona be late , I have to get a power bike soooon

Sunday, January 29, 2012


Nigeria,the world's most populous black nation has been ravaged by a lot of factors that have undermined and impeded her development over the years. In-arguably, the most significant of these factors is definitely corruption.The impact of corruption in Africa's present state of rot and under development can not be overemphasized,wide spread corruption, bad leadership,mis management of resources amongst other societal ills have left behind detrimental effects that have plunged Africa and her people deeper into abject poverty,conflicts,political instability and severe economic challenges. Although corruption is now recognized as a global phenomenon,the little efforts that have been sidelined by the Nigerian government to tackle this acute problem have proved futile and ineffectual over the years.

  Lurking in the shadows of corruption however is a bigger disease called Nepotism which has not only polluted our business and social environment,but is also gradually becoming a norm amongst Nigerians and Africans as a whole. Bolatito,an accounting Graduate from one of the various private universities in Nigeria was growing increasingly frustrated because he was yet to get a reply from a job test he sat for months back at one of the new generation banks in Lagos, he had applied for an interview and passed gracefully,his eyes were always glued to his in-box, waiting eagerly for that mail that never came...However, my good friend,Olamide,a graduate of Yoruba language from the prestigious Obafemi Awolowo University, OAU who wrote the same interview just got a job offer from the same first generation bank ,''lamie'' as he is fondly called amongst his peers,cuts a stern looking figure when he got the letter because according to him,all he wrote on the test papers were his full names and address. Don't ask me how he got the job,but rumor has it that his uncle's side chick was a highly placed staff of the so called bank *lips sealed*

Nepotism,according to is defined as “patronage bestowed or favoritism shown on the basis of family relationship,as in business or politics”.Modern day Nigeria has been largely characterized by full scale cronyism which in one way or the other affects performances of individuals ,professional bodies and cooperate organization in their prospective fields and obviously influences end results which directly or indirectly affects the growth and development of the nation. Nepotism is not an African phenomenon as it is widely perceived,it is only rampant and popular in this part of the world because of several values and the mentalities we uphold as Africans. Family values,Ethnicity,Religion,Tribalism are all factors that instigate favoritism. We as Africans hold in high respect these norms and values sometimes too deeply it affects adversely our decision making process . Our society has been infiltrated rather obnoxiously with sentimental sympathy and biased thinking faculty which denies an equivocal decision making process.
The situation affects every aspect of our day to day activities. we live in a society where who you know comes before what you know .Before you get a job or an appointment you are qualified for,you need to know the right people or else u rely on a miracle to get you the job. Government parastatals are occupied by family members of Government officials,lots of qualified candidates are jobless while the less qualified ones get the jobs because they know the right people. The trend seem to be your connection over your work ethics because preferences are given to family members and associates before any random person can be considered,a CEO of an advert company would rather give his/her follower on twitter a job offer than a random qualified undergraduate..yes! Its that bad.
    Meanwhile,our society continue to suffer from this trend as its gradually becoming a part of our lives. We continue to put Tribe ,Religion,Ethnicity and Relationship before other important aspect which needs consideration,Nepotism can be traced to the smallest homes ,the smallest offices in your area,Government parastatals,cooperate bodies and other organizations.A Yoruba landlord will insist on a Yoruba tenant,a Christian managing director will insist on a Christian assistant,that operations manager wouldn't give you a job because his cousin who isn't as qualified as you are is interested,we continue to embrace cynicism and in the process undermine the development of our Nation. Preferential treatments are shown to friends and family while others are hardly noticed . These factors, on the long run have done a lot of harm to Nation building and development,it also aids unemployment and surely corruption.

Nepotism is becoming a breeding ground for corruption to thrive and if not tackled properly will make the fight against corruption a useless effort.Nepotism is an offshoot of corruption which is obviously one of the major challenges we face in Nigeria,this is  because they are interwoven and fighting one and leaving the other to flourish will be at the detriment of development and political stability. For we to flush out Nepotism in our society,Nepotistic views should be ignored while we embrace neutrality,moral decadency,sincerity,fear of God,unbiased judgment and equality must be embraced while we put a stop to incompetency,insincerity,promoting mediocrity,Favoritism and Tribalism.These changes may not totally wipe out nepotism but will surely go a long way in taming it as its now a rampant trend among-st us all.That change however,starts from the eyes reading this post.


Sunday, April 24, 2011


 Writing a blog post as early as April on how we have failed (yet again) to lift a trophy is not one that I planned for at all. Its been 7 years since patrick Viera's last kick in an Arsenal jersey which won us our last trophy till date,since then,its been one heart break or the other .Potential,faith,mental strength,believe,hope are words we Arsenal fans have been forced to adhere to over these barren years and sincerely speaking,its getting really frustrating and depressing

Like I keep asking my self over and over again,what could have gone wrong? The loss to Bolton this afternoon was undoubtedly the last straw that broke the camel's back ,now where do we go from here?
On a personal note,i sincerely think these crop of Arsenal players clearly lack a winning mentality,they are not hungry for success and the spirit of champions is one that cannot be bought which is one thing we lack in the Arsenal squad. Only Cesc and RVP have won a medal in this team and gone are the days when the Arsenal team was described as a young team,these players have been together for almost 5- 6 years,so calling them a young team sounds more like an insult these days

The 4-4 draw to Newcastle,the 3-2 loss to Sp*rs,the 1-1 draw with Liverpool and the Carling cup final loss has showed that we lack the ability to kill of games and hold on to leads when it matters most,we cannot keep blaming Wenger for all our woes cause there are actually 11 professional on the field of play who in-spite of the huge salaries they receive keep letting the team down. we sure don't expect Wenger to get on the field before we can defend a 4 goal lead after half time. To be fair to Arsene, he has showed too much faith to these boys and backed them even at the times when they fail to perform. these players have failed him woefully and its time for him to stop blaming referees,opposition managers and the FA for problems that lie deep within the team.
Injuries have come at bad times for us this season,RVP, Wallcott, Fabregas and song were missing when we needed them most,lets just say mother luck beefed us for most part of this season which has hurt our quest for the title. We have used four different goalkeepers this season which has led to inconsistency in the defensive line .i also feel the whole medical team has failed woefully too,since the exit of Garry lewin,his brother collin has failed to fill the huge role his brother left behind,take the vermaelin injury for example,they failed to get to the root of his injuries instead they kept on promising us week after week that he is close to full fitness. same goes to Cesc, RVP,Djourou, Eboue and Theo who have failed to recover at times given by the medical team,they either come back earlier or later.

We have a very poor home record which always get me thinking if someone truly buried a sp*rs jersey on the Emirates ground during construction. Damaging defeats at home to Newcastle,West brom ,sp*rs and the large number of draws we amassed at home have hampered our chances of winning the EPL.To think the loss to Bolton was only our 3rd loss of the season makes it more sad,pathetic,abysmal and disappointing, weather its the home crowd or the formation we use at the Emirates,some thing must be wrong some where cause that Higbury factor is definitely missing. And its like, Arsenal's players are allergic to shooting,we don't have a planB or C.we play United and stoke with the same tactics we play Bolton and liverpool ,we can always predict who is going out for who which makes it very easy for teams to play us. A good example is the 0 0 draw at home to City,we knew city parked the bus but we still couldn't revert to a suitable formation to break down the expensive bus city parked at the Emirates.

I really hate to admit this but we lack a general leader in the team,please forget Cesc's potential and talent,the boy is no leader ,i even see Jack as more of a team leader than Cesc.we lack a Gerrard, a Terry or a Vidic who are natural leaders and their commanding abilities on the field never goes unnoticed. The Arsenal captain's band has been passed around like a cheap Allen slut alot which has made it lose its importance. We need a natural commanding leader on the pitch,who can motivate his fellow players when they are a goal down ,need to hold on to a lead or need to get a goal, preferably English who has got real passion for the game besides any other added incentives,to me,scott parker isnt a bad idea at all.his performances this season got him the Football writers player of the year award

We also seriously need to employ a defensive and goal Keeping coach,Martin keown shouldn't be a bad choice for a defensive coach and I feel Mad Jens should be retained since he has been training for his goal keeping badge at the club,these people have an insight on the background of the club and will surely go a long way in helping. We should invest on a set piece coach too because our corner kick to goal ratio is very poor. we hardly score from corners and set pieces which is very bad considering the fact that we get a lot of them in games. i also feel Pat Rice is just a “yes man” to Arsene Wenger,i know he has been a loyal and dedicated servant to Arsenal,but he retiring this year may just be good news after all. im sure a Steve Clark or a Ray Wilkins would have done better than Pat Rice in is usual dark specs inthe past few months.

I am not a big fan of spending big in the transfer market cause it doesn't guarantee silver ware but we may just need to dig deeper this time around. Arsene once said to win the league,we need a world class goal keeper,scyzesny (ignore my spelling) is no doubt a good keeper but he is no Van der sar,we need a top notch world class goal keeper who can single handedly win us matches like Van der sar did against us in the FA cup quarter final,a commanding center back(sakho),a midfielder(hazard) and maybe a striker may just be what we need to strengthen the team in the summer if the money is available. We hope we can generate money from player sales and I for one will not like to see a  Denilson, Eboue or Diaby in an arsenal shirt next season.

In conclusion,we really dont need to over haul the team neither do we need to spend big or buy big name players,and me being a Wenger groupie,i find it absurd the fact that people are calling for Wenger's head,you and I know this is neither possible nor feasible as wenger is the reason why we are here today and we owe him that,he will rather not renew his contract than the board sacking him. Arsene has helped transform Arsenal to the level it is today,from the legacy to the stadium and its financial status,all was down to Arsene so in “Arsene we trust” i believe these calls for Wenger's sack are from fans who joined the club after our FA cup Triumph in 2005 as they are yet to taste success with the team since then which is quite understandable,I still maintain that we really dont need to change the manager,we just want the manager to change.

This is just an opinion of a disgruntled, frustrated and soon to be depressed Arsenal fan and it does not in any way represent the view of the general public.please ignore all grammatical errors as this post was written in anger and on an empty stomach.

Friday, February 11, 2011


"my people self dey fear too much
we fear for the thing we no see
we fear for the air around us
we fear to fight for freedom
we fear to fight for liberty
we fear to fight for justice
we fear to fight for happiness
we always get reason to fear
we no wan die
we no wan wound
we no wan quench
we no wan go
i get one child
mama dey for house
papa dey for house
i wan build house
i don build house
i no wan quench
I wan enjoy
i no wan go"
Fela Anikulapo kuti
Sorrow Tears and blood (1977)

As the huge wind of revolution and uprising sweeps across the African continent,one cant help but wonder what country gets hit next by this wind of change. The uprising started in December when a street fruit vendor in Tunisia set himself on fire, killing himself in the process to protest corruption ,unemployment and political turmoil in the country. Hosni Mubarak's Egypt was next to be hit with this revolution.The internet and social networking sites such as Face book and Twitter helped spread the movement for change in Egypt which has been under the helm of Mubarak (82yrs) since the assassination of its former president Anwar El-Sadat in 1971.The revolt this time is clearly fueled by the youth who are tired of seemingly unending relegation to the margins of their country's political process and are demanding change in the most fundamental of ways.

African history in the last quarter of a century has been characterized largely by corrupt and  inept authoritarian regimes that once reigned supreme all across the African political landscape and has unsuprisinlgy hindered the growth and development of the continent which constitutes about 13% of the world population(as at 2008).African leaders are known to be power drunk and always wanting to rule for life,and this is one of the many reasons why political instability,crises,poverty,coups,mutiny,conflicts and all other social and political vices continue to slow the pace of growth and development on the African continent. The post of the president in the African setting is seen more like that a family title than that of a political post                                    
                          NAME                       AGE             COUNTRY            YEARS IN POWER  

  1.           EDUARDO DOS SANTOS            68               ANGOLA                   22
  2.          DENNIS SASSOU NGUESSSO     68               CONGO                       25
  3.         PAUL BIYA                                       77               CAMEROON             27
  4.         HOSNI MUBARAK                          82               EGYPT                        29
  5.          ROBERT MUGABE                          86              ZIMBABWE              30
  6.          MUAMMAR QADDAFI                 69              LIBYA                         40
  7.          ZINE AL-ABIDINE BEN ALI           74              TUNISIA                    24
  8.         YOWERI MUSEVENI                          67              UGANDA                  25
  9.        KING MAKHOSETIV MSWATI III    42            SWAZILAND            25

Lost in the thoughts of this political rumpus,i ask my self if Nigeria has the guts or impetus to follow the footsteps of her African sisters Tunisia and Egypt in demanding for a change in governance and demanding her people are being governed the right way by the right leaders. From my point of view,witnessing the type of demonstrations and uprisings calling for revolution in Egypt and Tunisia is far from happening in Naija( sorry aunty Dora) because a lot of factors are against this occurrence in the most populous black nation on earth.
After the devastating effects of the civil war( May27 1967 ) led by the Oxford-educated military governor, Major General Chukwuemeka Odumegwu Ojukwu,which claimed many lives and properties,Nigeria has had her share of political turmoils,religious crises,tribal conflicts and ethnic violence that have at one point or the other threaten to segregate her people .However,we have been able to over come this threats to the national unity and continue to live together as a single entity.

Nigeria,the most populous country in Africa had seemingly made an easy transition to independence in 1960. Nigeria's 250 tribes, each with its own language and customs is characterized
with different types of people, many of them separated by religion, culture, and language. The diverse nature of its inhabitants will make it difficult to find a common voice in staging a wide spread demonstration against its government like the Egyptians have shown. The diversity and differences in culture,ethnicity,tribe,religion and political ideologies are possible obstacles that may thwart or slow down a possible movement against the government of the day.  

The average Nigerian is more concerned about putting food on the table for his/her family than taking part in a protest that may end his/her life at the end of the day. like 2face sang,'nobody wan die but dey wan go heaven' call it fear or an act of cowardice,its very rare to come across a Gala hawker who is ready to light himself on fire to protest corruption in government.This however does not imply that Gala hawker as a man who is afraid of change,he is afraid of a violence engulfed change which at the end of the day may not necessarily guarantee victory for the people.

It will however be obtuse,if I rule out totally the possibility of a mass protest against the incumbent government in case things go wrong to the point that an uprising is needed to uproot our corrupt leaders like the Egyptian and Tunisian examples. we need to ask our selves certain questions before the thoughts of a revolution comes to mind. Is the Nigerian press ready to spark the movement for change against the usurpers in government? Do you,this reader,find yourself holding a placard,barring all brutality dished out to you by the army,UP-MESA  or police all in the name of fighting for change?Are you ready to sacrifice your self by blowing up your self up to kick off the movement to bring change to Nigeria?. Hundreds of innocent Egyptian citizens have lost their lives in the struggle for change. Many are displaced and the Egyptian economy which is the 2nd largest in Africa behind south Africa records losses  of about $310M per day.Are you ready to endure this hardship and possible loss of life?

These and many more questions need to be answered before thoughts of a revolution or an uprising comes to mind. Nigerians are known to be very prayerful people,a reason which many believe has kept us together till date.we can only hope but pray the coming elections provide the ideal president with the political sagacity to steer Nigeria and its wonderful people forward in peace and unity.Only time will tell if we are ready to thread the "Egyptian  path"..we cannot afford to witness another period of SORROW TEARS AND BLOOD...we just cant!

please note that the article above does not in any way represent the opinion of the General public,its  just a personal thought inspired by the evergreen music of the Late Fela Anikulapo kuti and Black coffee thus which i have decided to put into writing...