Heromplane,Shrek and Things....

You know that very awkward moment in life when you are like yessss "it has BE for me today"aka temi ti bami..alias e don happen?,The moment you start thinking what’s the worst that can happen? that's how to describe the night of January 7th 2011..it was my birthday eve and sum few friends of mine decided we go clubbing since its d first Friday of the year..at first i felt reluctant cus 1,its my birthday 2mrw and 2,my new year resolutions this year was to stop chewing my nails and quit energy drinks for good (and maybe to get a girlfriend sha) so i had no motivation to club,then i remembered my friends were paying so wada hell..lez go there.Getting to our location on Ajose Adeogun,the place was full of fun seekers (1st turn off),after staying on the queue for about 30min(2nd turn off),we approached this hefty looking bouncer(3rd turn off),after passing 2 of my friends in,he shoved me by the arm and said 'guy,how old you be? u no fit enter this club abeg...it took me roughly 18 brave seconds to summon courage and give a reply to the monstrous Shrek looking creature and all i could murmur was "u say wetin"..dont blame me,if u sef see dis guy u go sempe....he looked me in the eye and said,please leave the queue and come back when you are older....who the hell are you binsh? do you know my age?do you know who i am? uhn! uhn!! uhn!!!**that was my mind,not me o** i was getting embarrassed and wished this stupid ogre will just stop shebe and let me enjoy my birthday eve jejely,i couldn't even tip d guy cus i remembered all i had in my wallet was 3k and 8 expired atm cards..he claimed i looked under aged and therefore would not allow me in.in my mind i was like,if only dis guy could remove d chew gum from his face and look at me dada..how can sum1 call a whole elder like me under age? the Mushin traits in me was tempted to react angrily,but thanks for the little tushness i had left dat reminded me i wouldn't love to spend my birthday on a hospital bed because a slap from this guy would definitely gain me an automatic admission in LUTH...so i just walked away peacefully before he slaps the soul out of me.But forget my janajala stature oo,Major General Mohammed Buhari was head of state when i was born and if u don't believe me AXE ur mummy..awon eleyi wan old gan :p

I wonder if Arsene wenger is shagging Bendtner's Mom ..what if i kiss my second cousin,is that incest too? what if the Nigerian union of boli sellers decides to go 'on strike? and God forbid o but what if I wake up one day only to find out the world is left with flat chested females only*snaps fingers backward repeatedly mumbling the words 'i reject it" continuously*) you see the crazy things i think up all in the name of boredom?trust me guys,boredom doesn't kill,cus if it does,it should be my remembrance already..house don tire me,and the bad news is service doesn't commence until June. February March April May June? 5 good months,hin sure die,i go don give person bele before June .i needed a change of environment badly cus iv been thinking too many crazy random stuffs lately and needed a break from the whole issh..my mother once asked why i looked worried,and i explained to her that i think my head was gonna blow soon,trust my ever caring mother,she said i should move far away from her so i don't stain her white lace with blood when my head blows..i think i need a DNA test asap.

Remember my last post about Heromplane ba?(notice my Abuja accent ?) MY TRIP TO Abuja offered me the chance to enter HEROMPLANE for the first time in my life and to be sincere,it was an orgasmic experience.....yes.....i came! when the chance to visit Abuja came knocking,i didn't even give it a second thought,i booked AERO sharply,ignoring all the rumors i heard about the airline pushing their plane to start or jump starting it before take off,wetin consign me after all na hin cheap pass? Getting to the airport,i tried comporting myself so people wont notice im a 1st time traveler,then i thought warreva men,nobody came to this world via a plane jare,there is always a first time and im gonna enjoy mine..my seat was the window side and i sat comfortably behaving like one "tokunbo" i was smiling through out and the lady beside me couldn’t comprehend why the lunatic beside her(me) kept smiling for no reason. im sure she thought i was going to bite her sooner or later. immediately the plane took off, right inside me i thought i was gonna vomit but i just didn't know where to so i was looking for the right spot to mess my self and the foolish me choose the window side when I booked my ticket just in case I was gona throw up....i know im a bush boy,,*shrugs*

All of a sudden,i was getting Horngry ( dont bother checking the dictionary for horngry) and some crazy thoughts started ringing in my head... if this plane should crash right now?how much will they pay my mother as compensation? what if a terrorist abducts me and demands a million Naira?,where i go see money for ransom,me that it took me almost a year to buy Blackberry,the only way i will get 1million Naira now is by winning the Glo millionaire promo,those terrorist will so beat me ehn...was lost in thoughts when i heard a voice ask what will you like to buy sir? For one reason or the other i just kept smiling back at the hostess without reply,the lady beside me was getting uncomfortable with my willy willy traits,whether its her attractive mammary glands or me being starstruck talking to a hair hostess,all i did in reply was to shine my 32 like a roasted goat head...i looked down the window and the sights of rocky mountains scared da shit outa me..if this plane should crash right now,where will they find my big head ? will my blackberry survive?...i was getting so scared of my own thoughts and wished this damn thing will just land already.... this must be the longest one hour of my life cus getting to Abuja was so much a relief for my bladder which was going to burst any time soon for holding too much pee...oops! i have to stop right now cus my flight to Lagos is about boarding,thanks to AERO for delaying my flight for 3 hours... wish me a safe flight back to GIDI..

#Gbagaun with the fear of God @ heart

A November to Remember

Bumping into an old friend could be embarrassing at times,if your place and manner of contact was less disconcerting,then wait till you both start conversing,you find your self wishing life had a skip button.i ran into an old friend last month and the first question he asked me was " you don dey drink"? now,i start to wonder of all questions in the whole world to ask me,why ask me this? iv always had this embarrasing drinking problem,its being a part of my life and im starting to think il be living with it forever..the problem is ehn,i dont drink,iv never tasted liquor all my life and suprisingly instead of being praised by friends,i get d stick all da time.


i seldom look forward to hanging out with my friends at a bar club or cafe,then u hear one of them say " bar man,give us 3 big stout,2 star,1 smirnoff and one cold pure water for jaye..then every one starts laughing out loud..i wanted this degradation to end so i upgraded from water to energy drinks.i drank red bull like it was going out of circulation,i could drink 6 cans a night and felt high in my own little way,i drank redbull and power horse sotey i was belching caffein because excess intake had caffeinated my blood vessels. Then suddenly,as i got used to this drink of the devil,i started acting strangely,like dancing without music,going hyper active for no reason,shouted when i was supposed to whisper,whisperd when i was supposed to shout,i was like 'to hell with alcohol,this is my thing'.my funny behaviour started to worry me,the way i spoke changed,you will think i swallowed a china phone,i was so audible no matter where i was.i would walk a running distance and run a walking one,yea yea... i know... #idondeymadt. ope lope water therapy,i 4 don turn bruce lee.


November saw me watch another sibling leave the shores of this country to obodo oyinbo,which means in the whole of my family,na only me never travel..na wao..the only time iv been to the airport was anytime any of my sibling was traveling,i still have never enterd an aeroplane before in my life smh ...oh..i remember i did once,my primary school excursion to concord airlines in the early 90s,even though i had to sit on a stool in the abandoned aircraft because of over crowding,oh i wish i took a picture sha.damn! its so annoying being the only sibling back here,it makes me feel like an only child and sometimes i wonder if my mother forgets she has 5 children and not me alone,i gas travel next year men,i gas travel,even if na Abuja,i must to travel itunu!

i never thought my being nice could be used against me,but two incidents in november proved me wrong.first i was on the BRT bus sitting comfortably,i saw this not so cute looking girl standing and being a gentleman that i was,i stood up and asked her to sit but in front of the whole passengers on the bus,she declined saying,No thanks,il rather stand..i was taking one of the lowest points in my life jejely until my stupid cousin laughed out loud in front of everybody.the other incident was me trying to suprise my mum by buying her icecream and sharwama when she least expected it,she took it with a suspicious look but i was not botherd,the next day,i decided to remind my mother about the money she promised me,before i could finish my request,she cuts in sharply "ehn ehn,i knew something was up,no wonder you bought all dos mede mede for me yesterday,open the fridge and carry your icecream and ur sharwama is in the microwave,i dont have any money to give you....imagine this woman o..and i thought she was my mother sha.. smh


So after saving for a year and three months to buy a blackberry,i finally got one last month.To say i was ecstatic would be an understatement,if you are a regular follower of my blog,you will know where im coming from with this blackberry wahala.now i can start feeling among even though i never pay BIS money,so to the girl i once gave 533732fh as my BB pin because she found it hard to believe that i dont have one,please delete it,that was my jamb registration number,im so sorry :( . i can now download 5 mic's wave your blackberry song on my phone cause i once thought it was segregating,and i stopped beefing Durella cause i took that pinging lori Nokia thing personal..dnt blame me,i thought the dude was throwing a subliminal at me!
The search for an IPAD starts snow,wish me luck!


feel free to #gbagaun me,english is not my mother tongue :p

BETWEEN ME AND YOU...

so after many many many many many many many years of pursuing a bachelors degree,i finally rounded up my 'Adult education' few weeks ago(note that 1 "many"= 1yr)....this does not only call for thanksgiving and prayers,it calls for sacrifice sef..cus looking back at the years i spent trying to get a degree,all i have to say is alhamdulilai

I wonder what my greatest joy of completing university education is,Getting a job? getting ready for masters? getting married? Internship?starting business? well,its non of the above cause my greatest joy is that now,i get to avoid the usuall question my mother asks me 5 times daily for 4 yrs..igbawo lo ma se tan gaaan? *when would you graduate from school*?

my mother is the shrewd type,she has canny ways of telling you things and passing messages across to you.for example,if she wants to tell you she is hungry and you should cook or buy something for her to eat,you will hear mama jaye say...oga o,se ebi yi oni pa eyan ba yi,ti mo de bimo repete sile?*na wao,wont this hunger kill me like this,despite all the children i have around me* thats her for you.i remember i had to take pictures of my self in class during a lecture to show my mum cause she stopped believing i was actually in school although she still believes i took that picture in a computer lesson or something.kmt

Getting into university was an arduous task.i write jamb sote,i almost got a free form for the best customer award if i had not passed the final one.i thought jamb was the toughest obstacle i had 2 face before getting an admission into university,but i was wrong when my WAEC result came out with a certain English Language misssing..i find english like sey america dey find osama,English no come o!my mother got so angry and fustrated,i enrolled in 3 different english classes,she stoped me from speaking yoruba in the house and i got a knock on d head for every yoruba movie i saw.she also threatened to buy me a mechanic uniform if i dare fail the next exam...But like the brilliant boy i was ,i believed in my ability,i read and studied hard for that exam and at last i had B3 in english language...mehn that machinery try for me o

Gaining admission was another hurdle to cross,if passing the exam was a yardstick in getting into the university,getting ur name on the admission list was a tougher one.if you see the way we prayed for my name to be on that list,you will feel its a prayer for the whole Nigeria students awaiting admission,mumsy fasted and fasted i had to tell her to take a break if she didnt want our prayer point to change from Education to health issues..i remember she told me once ,Jayeola ,i want you to pray to your God,talk to him,Go naked and tell him to consider the prayer of a virgin and grant your wishes..lmaol..i thought in my head,be like say this woman no want make i go school at all,abi who be virgin?lwkmd

until i graduated recently,my Mum always think we should be in school together because my schooling, to her, is nothing different from an Adult education,so im kinda happy i get to finish at last and fast track my dream of making her a proud mother.I cant wait for the day..I ll tell my mama..stop working Ma..il take care of you nd treat you right...like you rightly deserve

Ramadan is here again,the holy month is one which is compulsory for all Muslims ,hence im also in 'fasting" mode..iv been fasting since i was age 7,although then,i thought it was my mother's way of telling me she was not my biological mother bacause i just couldnt understand why she only fed me once a day..i ate at random and kept forming fasting for her until that tasty time i drink landed me in trouble..i drank tasty time forgetting that my toungue had turned red,my mum asked me what waas on my tongue and i lied stupidly that it was my blood,i actually saw blood that day after serious beating..
PS all i said about my mum stays between me and you o

what else do i want to say oooo....ehn ehn,my Blackberry stuff took a new twist last week sha,my money for curve 2 never complete and Blackberry introduced Blackkberry torch,i mean thats unfair,they should consider does that dont have a Blackberry before introducing new ones,why cant they just wait for every body to own at least a curve first before they bring another one..na wa for these people self..just last week,another friend asked me for ...sorry my Laptop Battery is dead and we dont have light here,il continue my gist in the next blog update

feel free to #gbagaun me o,afterall English is not my mother tongue :p

BACK AT YA !

i know it's been quite a long while i blogged o,so lemme just explain my self b4 ya all castigate me..iv been very busy i swear,been busy reading studying,jacking(not d dirty 1 o) researchs,revisions assignments and all other stuffs u know i can lie about :d

but seriously,writing blogs no be easy thing o..im getting old and there is little this overloaded brain of mine can store..yesterday lasan,it took me correct 48 seconds to spell ordinary "apetizer"i think my brain needs a generator seriously..is dat spelling even correct?

so back to the blogging bruhaha,alot of factors are behind my reasons for not updating my blog often,if my overloaded brain can remember well,my last blog was on "life as easy as ABC"and that was way back after the unfortunate deaths of DAGRIN and YARADUA #RIP..thats quite a looooong time o.dont even be suprised if when u tried opening this page you saw cobwebs,well ,that tells you how much this page af 'taayed'

so back to the blogging bruhaha once again......................................shaet,i think i forgot what i wanted to type again sha,dis brain can like to fall my hand at the 'wrongest' time..smh..well,lets just say the worldcup was a big factor to why my blog almost became extint,besides the fact that im a big football fan and a Gunner 4 that matter,its Africa's world cup 'so they say'so there is this extra bit of excitement about the Mondial which makes even a staunch football hater(E.G my mama) get intrested.

The only thing i hated about the worldcup was anytime Ghana was playing..YES!i hated anytime Ghana was on TV..all dos girls were always snubing me because of that Prince Boateng guy....i beefed that guy seriously o..is he even a real prince sef?psheeeeeew..oshisko!

oh,and i found a new love in twitter,yea im really gbaduing twitter at the moment so facebook can chilax small jaree.im 3 months old on twitter and although i found it hard at first,its been real fun so far.i was off facebook for some months and if a soothsayer had told me i wouldnt update my facebook status in a month,i would have hit his/her head with a vuvuzela and kicked the jabulani right in his/her face..it got so serious,i had phone calls from my friends asking if i was alright cus iv been off facebook for a while..lol..can u imagine?awon oni so lenu....

so sha,iv been tweeting on tweeter and iv got tweeps,twends and twenemies in my tweetfam who re cool tweeple so if you are not on twitter,start tweeting soon or risk tweetjail!(i always knew i could rap..Jor oo)

so the twitter thing brings me to another reason why this blog looks like an old artifact destined for the old museum for very old stuffs..i also read alot of blogs on twitter and all i can say is blog pass blog abegi ..shey dis 1 wey u dey read na blog abi rough-work? i read some blogs on twitter ehn and i felt like deleting my blog ASAP. ..as in i dont even have a blog self,lets just call it a jotter abi roughwork.Reading these blogs made mine look so ordinary..wait 1st,ordinary is even an understatment,it made it look........it made it look.........it made it look.........this my brain sef,it made it look some how sha....*i cant kill my sef jare*

i have read blogs from reputable bloggers of high distinction and class and i felt i should be sent to jail for calling my rubbish a blog too.i read bloggs from @RealistXX,@exschoolnerd,@sandiepandie,@sirscribbles,@dhebbur,@tunrayopoetry,@sheriphskills @deelami and im so sure these tweeps(twitter style) must have read bloggery in school or got a degree in blogamy(dnt borther checking d dictionary cus its not there)ahn ahn,awon eleyi n blog ejo....so calling this rubbish im writing a blog is just an insult on these cool bloggerians...but i know say one day sha,i go make my self proud #thatsall

i hope my reasons have been able to convince you and not confuse you on why i have refused to blog in a long while...in case you dont know sha,my hands are starting to ache me seriously so i have to stop now.....oh,one more thing,i still never buy blackberry o..my "help jaye get a BB trust fund " is still 13000 naira short.sorry i meant 13500 short cus i just rememberd i bought 500 zain card so i can use the internet to update this jotter.my Nokia berry is still working very fine sha so im not missing a BB much,i think im just fine without a BB,who needs a BB sef,that thing is just an overated toy ....see me consoling my self o,i no even dey shame,woooo dont let me lie jaree,i know almost 20 sumtin BBpins of hand and i dont even own a BB...smh..God please shame my enemies and give me a BB biko,this Nokia berry haf tire me and i want to start pinging too and stop using my phone number as my BBpin,i want to stop switching my nokiaberry on silent just because i dont want my friends to hear my nokia tone when my phone rings,i want to stop lying that my BB fell inside the toilet when i dont even have a BB pouch...do this for me baba and il serve you till i die...all these i pray oh lord...do i hear an AMEN somebody?

P.S feel free to #gbagaun me